“And I don't even need your love”
We wish to matter, to those who matter. And to those who may not. The idea of not making any difference in others’ lives is so unrewarding that regardless of what our need for extension may be, we inherently gauge our self worth on the basis of how much we affect others’ lives. Triggering an emotion, positive or negative, is the measurement of relevance – the more intense another’s opinion, higher the relevance. The sense of loss I feel when I start to realise that I am in no position to affect anything in someone’s life is the ultimate resignation to worthlessness.
A few incidents come to mind when I think of the concept of loss in indifference. The latest one is from a college senior who rarely, if ever, expresses vulnerability. Neither does he look like the kind who might entertain notions of insecurity nor would one ever imagine that his/ her opinion of him might matter at all to him. So when he asks, “Would you forget me? That’s a man’s greatest fear. Becoming irrelevant”, it reiterates the concept of loss in indifference.
Another time, in the midst of a teary eyed goodbye, I found myself smiling and was asked, “How could you smile at a time like this?” And I said, “Because five years from now, it’ll be JUST a memory...”
There’s a calmness and rationality in this song that serves as an interlude to raging emotions. From the time when we tend to over analyse everything and read into every word, every action and think that the feeling will always be intense, the notion that it might not matter one day sounds ridiculous. How could it possibly not, right? But much as I enjoy romanticizing, even cherish it infact, keeping the connect with rationality keeps me alive
