Regrets?

If I could go back in time and change the choices I have made, would I be a happier person? To gauge this, I’d have to start where my last “right” decision was made. It probably was that of entering Fergusson. 6 years ago. Not that every choice has been a bad one but that is when things really started going wrong. I started losing myself and everything I stood for.

Had I …done what? Now as I am thinking of the “wrong” thing I did, I cant recall any. Much as I want to mend my ways, at least in my head, I cant seem to be able to think of one thing I would have done differently. At least not in junior college.

That brings me to engineering. Definitely the worst choice I’ve ever made all my life. Who was I kidding? I never wanted a job that FELT like a job. Sitting in front of the comp 9 hours a day just wasn’t my idea of a fun thing to do. Never will be.

Had I continued with B.Sc right then, I’d have graduated by now and completed my post grad this year.

Now, before starting with this blog, I should have added a background note on why I feel about myself the way I do. That’s because I always judge myself (and most other people) on the basis of academics. And being low on this quotient right now is making me think of things I’m penning down.

So, had I completed a PG (in what??? Science? Media?) would I have been in a better place? In my head, yes, since “Acads is what matters” but would I even know WHAT I was interested in? or what I am good at? But then, do I know now? I have a clearer picture of what I want to do and where I will excel. But the picture is vague. Mostly because I don’t WANT to have a definite aim cuz it disrupts that possibility of considering options coming my way. Also because I’d rather explore each day as it comes and don’t want the next ten years planned out. There’s no excitement left to live for, right?

So finally, do I have regrets? A few, yes. Much as I want to say, none at all, I would rather not have done a few things the way I did. These were the choices I made when better sense was cautioning me to steer clear. Things I plunged into by dismissing the alarm bells in my head. Had I followed my heart at ALL TIMES, I’d never have had a thing to regret.

Am grateful for all I have. There’s always been a better life in store for me than what I’ve deserved to have. I believe this very strongly. He seems to forgive me for all the crimes against myself and brings my life back on track consistently. Everything I feel about myself is because of how He’s taken care of me. Never thought I was religious but the devotion I feel towards the Greater Power that’s guiding me, slots me into being a believer.